Let's Talk Forum
Aunty Ji, I am 30+ old unmarried. I love younger men. I think I am in love with my 17 years old cousin brother. I have had a number of passing affairs with younger men before and also had sex with some of them. But did not have such feelings with anyone. Whenever my cousin touches me or I think about him even if we simply talk,I get orgasm. I feel a very strong urge to be close with him. He is also possessive for me. But I cant understand either he has the same feelings for me or not. My question is how can I understand if he is intersted and how can I approach to him to have sex with him?
Nice that you guys are talking!
However, we think that Sex with cousin can be a "difficult" issue because it is considered a taboo in many communities. Then, there is a wide age gap too. There could be power issues influencing your or his decisions because of this age gap. Lastly, going by your words, he has not initiated anything. May be he is not ready for sex. May be you should consider all this and take a safer view of the situation. Many things are OK in fantasy but not in the real world. Do review this excellent write up on this very theme:
And get back if you still have some doubts..
(sincerely sorry for delay)
Thank you very much for your valuable suggestion.
I get your point.
But how can I deal with my impulse?
And one more thing, what could be the reason of his possessiveness? For example, he always checks my mobile thoroughly, he asks me to stay at his home. He invites me when he is alone in his home. He cares every detail of my needs. And once he told me that he got a friend who have had an affair with his sister-in-law. So sex with relatives is not a taboo for him at all. He never asked me directly to be physical but these indications make me to think.
Is there any direct way to talk with him over this issue? In this regard, I want to tell you that I am very frank with him, I often discuss my sexual experiences with him & so as he. He told me that he have had sex with his girlfriend but he is not satisfied. Now he is not in any relationship but wants to be physical with somebody. I assumed these as hints. but according to "Aunty Ji" sometimes too much closeness among relatives makes us confuse. I am really confused. Please HELP me out.
Oftentimes, we can easily project own thoughts and desires on someone else. It may be very well possible that you are reading too much into his behavior (or possessiveness) . Since you have mentioned that you are close to him, he might care for you as one does for a family member. And maybe nothing more.
In reality, this is a very sensitive issue. Often times, in inter generational relationships, there is a certain power dynamics, which is often quite unequal. You, being the older person, have to be very careful in such cases.
Please do remember that even if he wanted to, he cannot give his consent to the sexual intercourse. This is because he is just 17 years old and is still a minor. Even if he gives you certain hints and desires to establish a sexual relationship, since you are the adult here, you have the responsibility of taking an informed decision in this case.
Thank you Aindrila. I think you are right. Actually it all started from a different story. My parents have been separated for 25years. I brought up in my maternal house and was detached from my father and other family members. After a very long time span my parents decided to settle again. So two families met together once more. And it happened only a year back. I brought up with my neighbourhood friends. I was not closed to any younger cousin brother before. I get some maternal cousins but all of them are older. Since I feel sexual attraction only for younger males may be it drives me to my younger cousin also. I am confusing his care with physical attraction. Now time to be diplomatic. I must not spoil this relationship.
Thanks for opening my eyes.
We can understand your confusion. It's not important to justify your attraction to a certain someone or a particular type of person. You are entitled to your own desires and thoughts.However, it would be a totally different matter if it translates into a non consensual relationship. Then it would be a serious offense, right?
It's just that people have certain fantasies build up in their minds. It is always better to self introspect and try to understand how these images and ideas can affect your sex life. This will only help you understand yourself better. And help you make an informed decision.