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Posted by Nadia8532

Before I met him, I was in a very good place with myself (used to dislike everything about me in the past). I enjoyied life in general: went out with friends almost daily, had a sense of humor.. enjoyied sex, shopping. 1 year and a half later, I lost all my confidence and do not enjoy pretty much anything. I am constantly depressed because I do not feel enough no matter what I do. I cook, clean, work.. Somehow, I did not feel love from him, we stopped having sex too.. and that was stressing me out a lot because I knew he’ll break up with me.. he did due to a outburst of mine: he said he was going out with the guys and I was ok, go stay how long you want. I called him hours later and he was with one guy and a girl (she’s in a relationship, not what it seems) but I got mad cause I was excluded.. went to meet them and they have already left to the guy’s house where I was not invited. He said to not come.. then he broke off with me as soon as he got home. We are not always on the same page.. and for him the issues are my outbursts of which I worry too.. a lot. I got mad at him a few weeks ago because he sent me a facebook message to come downstairs to play games (we were on vacay with another couple) instead of a call because I told him that my Internet is off.. I reacted poorly and I was ashamed afterwards.. maybe there is something wrong with me. My grandma is suffering from paranoia and untrue self inflicted thoughts.. We know of this since last year, she’s on medication now, but no CT was performed due to covid back then.. and a few months ago, my mom started showing signs of that same behavior.. she thinks she has cameras in the house and people are watching her.. she’s not old.. At least grandma is prone to episodes like that.. but my mom should not be.. Maybe I am reacting this way because there might be some disease in the familly? Maybe we’re just crazy..

Answer
moderator love-matters
0

Nadia8532 puttar,
relax beta - there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are just reacting to a situation - normally. if someone excluded you from a gathering - you have the right to be annoyed and if your bf purposely did not call you and messages you, knowing very well that your internet is not working, then you have the right to be annoyed. So please, do not think negative of yourself at all. You are good the way you are. Okay?
Now let's come to your outbursts - so tell me beta, is this recent? Because you stated that you enjoyed life earlier and enjoyed everything else - but recently nothing seems right. Did you ever think that maybe this is because you are not in a happy relationship?
Maybe, the two of you are not meant to be together anymore and you need to move on? Find your happiness again without being dependent on your bf for your own happiness?
I know it sound a bit harsh - but sometimes we have to look at happiness within us rather than finding it in someone else. If he has broken up with you recently - maybe you can just have a face to face with him, ask him to meet you just once and tell him you just want to say sorry - sincerely. Listen to him, tell him how you felt and be sorry for your outbursts and ask him if he is ready to give both of you and this relationship - a chance? If yes, great ! Work towards it. It not - then please please move on!
Find your true calling - spend a week on finding what you like doing - it could be anything - gardening, music, talking to friends, make-up, reading books, making videos on social media, or anything at all. Just make a list and pick up one thing to focus your day on. That's it!
I know its tough, you wont feel like and you will just feel like being depressed - but girl - life is good - so hunt for your old friends - get in touch with them again, give yourself a haircut - makeover, something you like and get your life on track. Do not think negative about yourself beta - what your mom and grandmother are facing has NOTHING to do with you - trust me. You have to carve your own destiny!
For your anger management - outburst - try meditation. It really helps - and write to me whenever you feel depressed - I will always be there for your questions! Now smile and relax smiley Just do something you like! ok? https://lovematters.in/en/love-and-relationships/breaking-up/getting-ove...

Auntyji