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Posted by bioskar

Ma'am, I want to keep my identity anonymous. I want to take your opinion regarding an incident. 3 years back, I had a girlfriend with whom I used to do sex chat and phone sex. We were both happy and sorted.
When we used to meet, I used to have romance and I sometimes toucher her breasts as well. One day, I visited her home and she was in the mood. She came to me and told me to touch her.

I was panicked and inserted my hand inside her underwear. What I eventually did was fingering. I was not ready about that. Because I was not prepared for it. During fingering, I only inserted my middle finger — very smoothly because she was wet enough. I had no problem in inserting the finger because there was no barrier. My fingers were also not that thick. Girth would be 1.5 inches and height 3.5. inches. She wanted me to do it roughly and insert deep as possible. I said, noooo...it will hurt you. It lasted for only 15 seconds.

My finger tip sensed some end wall (soft) — may be the cervix. And I had NO blood in my hand. Only transparent liquid that smelled nothing.

After that incident, may be she started to think that I am too much hostile. And she basically tried to avoid me. She did not talked to me and she broke the relationship although there were certain other reasons for it like — I asked her whether she had been this much sexual in her previous relationship (it was my first relationship and I was literally naive) and also wanted her to spend more hours in education rather than spending time with family. I had given her a lot of books so that she does not require any assistance from anywhere else. But she eventually said that I just tried to trap her sexually by giving all that lucrative academic offers of books and started taking advantage of it.


To all this, she just thought — I am utterly fake and just wanted to use her for my pleasure only.

Can you give me opinion regarding the following ?
1. Did I broke her virginity biologically?
2. Was I wrong completely?
3. Was she hurt by that?
4. Did she broke up just because I was open sexually?
5. Does telling "I love you" frequently means that the guy is fake?

Please answer this question.

moderator love-matters

dear puttar,
I am sorry for your break-up! I am sure you must be very hurt. Now coming to your questions, let's try to understand and answer them one by one:

1. First of all, the whole concept of virginity is a farse and a myth. There is a hymen - and it is just skin around the vagina, not a seal or a wall that you have to break and penetrate! Imagine if there was a seal - how will girls get their period blood out? Read more about it here - https://lovematters.in/en/making-love/virginity/virginity-myths-busted So, there can or can not be blood during first-time sex! The hymen can be stretched in various other ways too - like falling down and getting legs spread out in some exercise forms like splits etc, riding a horse, mopping the floor by sitting and many such ways! So there is no way you can find if the girl is a virgin or not! You cannot BREAK virginity - it's a myth! Hymen can also be stretched ( not broken) by using tampons, and menstrual cups. Also, the hymen is like a scrunchie rubber band - its elastic - not like a seal! Read here - https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc-yrWpIjRJ/

So to answer your question - you cannot break virginity! you just fingered her!

2. Yes, and no. Well, you counter-questioned her after just fingering her and asking her about her previous sexual relationships! That means you did not trust her. All those sex chats on phone were okay for you but if you were not ready to get close to her or get intimated in real life - you should have made that clear to her before meeting her at her home. You should have been upfront with her and told her - you do not want to touch her physically and should not have inserted the fingers if you did not want to! You should actually read about how to pleasure a woman ( without having sex) - because insertion does NOT give pleasure to women - touching the clitoris does! Read more about the clitoris here - https://lovematters.in/en/our-bodies/clitoris-all-the-facts-on-the-love-... Also please read some really good tips to masturbate a woman here - https://lovematters.in/en/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbating-her... It will help you next time!

At the same time, it is absolutely okay to not be mentally ready for sex/intimacy if you are not! Take your time and do it ONLY when you are mentally ready. Do not feel forced because your partner wants it. But be open about it! Convery it to your partner that you are not yet ready! Communication is very very important in a relationship.

3. Physically hurt - I do not think that a 15-second finger would hurt her. But mentally yes, she would be not just hurt but also embarrassed. You denied sex to her when she was under an impression that you both are ready; especially after having sex chats and phone sex! So yes, she might have felt humiliated and felt that you do not find her desirable!

4. She broke up with you for many reasons. 1. You were not open with her about how you feel and how you were not ready physically to have sex. 2. She broke up because she felt humiliated after being rejected for her sexual moves. 3 .You did not trust her and asked her about her sexual history! Now imagine you enter a relationship with a new girl - or get married - if you wife asks you about her - will you tell your future wife the whole truth about how you and and ex-gf had phone sex and how you touched her/fingered her?
4. She also broke up with you! because you tried to control her life ( as you mentioned - you wanted her to spend more time in education than with family!). No one would want to be controlled that way. 5. She might have broken up with you for other reasons too! She can only tell!

5. I love you has to be supported by actions. Just saying I love you and doing just the opposite - like not trusting her, asking her about her previous sexual history, how open she was in her last relationship and denying sex to her when she was ready and not being open to her about your feelings, - does not really mean much!

Sorry if my answers are a bit brutal or honest! I am just trying to understand the situation and help you by being completely objective. I do not know more than you wrote here! But this is just how I felt! Hope it helps you find closure with her. Thank you!


Yes. I read what you wrote very carefully.

You are absolutely right, Sir/Ma'am. Since I have specifically wrote it here, you can imagine that asking about the depth of relationships with previous boyfriends (although it was not done on the same day, forgot to mention.... Moreover, it is to be noted that previously she disclosed all about her past spontaneously) and I just regret the questions toooo much now. I apologised her. My exact words were :
"Did you have the same things with them as we did the other day? ......" She just smiled.... I continued "It doesn't matter at all.... I don't care about virginity.. I just want you to get established as early as possible by studying hard as much as possible because it seems the competition is too high and you need to crack the best ones.... I want you to marry you and keep this gudiya with mee alwayssss.."...

Although I used to tell those things often in messages, I told it to her face to face....

I regret my words and remember her smiling face.

Another thing that I want ti mention here. After the phone sex period, when I used to visit her home normally, I wanted to take some of her hot pictures and she spontaneously agreed to give poses. Next one or two times, when I visited her, I requested to take pictures (regretful manly attitude of addiction towards hot pictures) and she was not that happy..... She may be changed her mind and regret about allowing me to take those pictures... But she never said anything regarding that. In fact she never said anything wrong about all the things.

We belonged to the same education background and I got success in exams while she failed in all of them. But I wanted her to lift and let her establish herself as early as possible.

The sad truth is that although she freed herself from my "trap", still she is struggling to get through any exam...

I feel very sad when I think that if I would have not involved sexuality in our relationship, may be she would get confidence in me and stayed with me. May be she feared my sexual approaches — all those phone sex and taking pictures of her....

After all these years, she just says : "that was an just an ACCIDENT because she had INFATUATION and she was not committed at all. Everything was just fake." May be a test of a guy.

I don't know.

That's the whole event.

moderator love-matters

Thank you for sharing with me. Please do not blame yourself your her success/failure in exams, it is not entirely related. If she is meant to clear it, she will. Or who knows if she has something else for her in future? And yes, you were wrong in asking for those pictures without her will if you felt so. I want you never to misuse the. Just delete them. Maybe she is scared of that too that now you two have broken up! My suggestion would be - to move on. I know it's tough but find closure when you have so many things going on in your mind. Maybe write to her one last time and apologize only if it makes you feel better or just move on. Let her be on her own. That will be good for both of you!


I understand .... No , no .. i assured her and deleted all things immediately. I never kept anything and may be she knew it.

I think you are right on the "controling" thing... I was tooo restrictive and possessive....

Moving on ....

Thank you Auntyji for listening all my things patiently.

moderator love-matters

Wish you all the best!