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Posted by Kristine

Namaste aunty ji.
D (i would like to call him this) and I go way back to our middle school days . We were best friends and I was his first love. When he asked me out, we had a brief relationship but I broke it off (we were too young). For him, it was his first heartbreak and it hit him really hard. He went from a top ranker in school to one of the naughty boys and I had a guilt for making him like that all through out school. Amidst all that, I moved on and after some years of "waiting for me to come back to him",he met a girl,R,and they went out. Their relationship was admired by most. They had a long ,open relationship for more than 4 years,from high school to junior college. Everyone(friends,teachers,parents) thought they would marry each other since they were so in love. But the inside of their relationship was not so smooth,after all. They have had several break ups and dated others all through out the span of their relationship and their last breakup was when R cheated on D with someone else. That's when I re-entered D's life. I was unaware of what was going on. All I wanted was to apologise for what I did years ago,since it still bothered me. But as we talked about our lives and ourselves, he ended up falling in love with me all over again. All his friends used to tell me before that D still has feelings towards me but I did not pay much heed to that. But now,all the pieces matched up and I slowly dove onto this relationship. And I felt as if I have met the love I wanted, I deserved. We were so happy together. He was heads over heels for me. I was gradually loving him more and more. There was love,friendship, lust all rolled in one. He introduced me to his family and friends. He showed me off everywhere ( he is not the kind of guy who shows off his relationship in public). I could see love in his eyes,care in his actions and I was content with my life.
But all of a sudden,he dropped a bomb on my happy place on earth by saying "I still cannot get over R. I cannot love you a 100% as she is still on my mind. I'm sorry,K but I can't cheat on you like this. I want to stay loyal to R." and asked for a break up. Of course I had severe breakdowns. I even contacted R and told her all about the situation. And she assured me that it was too late for them to get back together,although she loved him too. You can imagine the turmoil I went through. This happened after a year of our relationship. When I openly asked D if he wanted to get back with R,he said that he does not,he wants to be alone and heal himself properly. I tried to understand him and I gave him time and space. But I had a panic attack and was rushed to the hospital and D nursed me back to health and we were together again. We had fun,he was happy with me, I let him take his time and he was healing well. I could see the improvement.
But as we were approaching our 2nd anniversary,he dropped another bomb on me saying " I don't think I'm as happy with you as I'm with her,K. I can't keep lying to you and acting like I love you like you love me,just to cover up my mistake of getting closer to you. I don't feel as connected to you as i felt with R. I'm sorry." And he broke up with me on the eve of our anniversary. Of course,I was heartbroken but this time,even though, I love him to bits,I could not forgive him or ask him to try once again. I let him go. But I asked once again if he would be getting back with R. And once again,he replied no. He just wants to heal properly and slowly. I asked if it would be possible to love me more than I love him if I wait for him and he replied "maybe. And this time, I will be stronger and better,for sure. Wait for me,baby. I did love you. I did think you are the one for me. I need to heal. Be happy while I'm gone." And he left. I decided to wait but it's getting hard with all these doubts of whether I'm being a third person in D and R relationship or whether they are really meant for each other or whether my pain and heartache would be all in vain.
He still texts me casually. It has been a week since the final break up. He checks up on me,he shares his hobbies like we used to do,he asks me for financial advice like he always used to. I have been acting strong in front of me, not showing my pain and doubts. I have been talking casually too. But my heart is in pain. I would want someone to love me only . I want someone who feels empty without me. But since I love him, I am hoping he will heal properly and change. But I am miserable right now. Should I be patient and work on myself? Should I support him and be by his side or should I leave him on his own and stay out of reach till he contacts me? All these options come with its pros and cons. And I'm confused with what to do.

Answer
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Such a touching story, I could not keep my emotions

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Hi Kristine, Sorry for the delay in response but we seem to have missed your mail for a day - but here we are.
So the mn has taken off again - but is around. Alright. So what are you waiting for - for him to change his mind again? and then again? Hmm - how wise do you see that being?
Get over this Hope 2020 for his return, dear Kristine. What is he, the Prodigal Son - who will return , after having learnt a lesson and never to go back again?
Even that were Ok - maybe worth a chance in love, but this constant comparison with you and the ex - who is not so ex - is that fair?
For now, I'd say - stop the wait of the beloved, - keep the Friend - as little as possible for now
https://lovematters.in/en/love-and-relationships/breaking-up/science-of-...