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Posted by domalsaraswaan


I am a 25-year old man. I am facing the biggest crisis in my life as,
I am going to get married. My brief background would make it clear.

When I was around 10, my female cousin (around the same age)
and I used to sleep together. On one such occasion, her hand
accidentally touched my thigh and felt something bulging.
She asked me what it was. In my childly enthusiasm I opened
my shorts and all that she saw was my erect penis. She got
excited and started rocking it saying she has been able to see
my 'shame-shame'. Later, in the same excitement she told
all this to her mother as though it were some achievement
on her part ! For this, both of us got a good spanking
with a warning that it is indeed shameful for boys and girls
to see the 'shame-shame' of one another. As I grew older,
I saw the same notion being reinforced in various situations.
But the situation I am going to get into, demands that
the shameful be considered desirable – all in the name of sex !
And till now I have no idea how a grown-up girl / young lady
reacts on seeing a penis. Pray tell me whether she would feel
shameful, angry, shocked or worse still, mock at my shame-shame.
How do I even hope to face the 'blasphemous' prospect of her
having to touch it with her hand ? I do not see any escape from
the situation I find myself in. I would feel 'extremely' relieved
if I am able to have a response.

moderator love-matters

domalsaraswaan puttar,
Please relax. I understand you are going through a very stressful time, but trust me, irrespective of the incident you had as a child, most Indian girls and boys have been raised in a similar way - where thinking about sex has been a 'shame shame' experience for them. Most parents think that sex is a taboo, something forbidden, something to be ashamed of - and most kids are raised thinking this about sex. Well, what your parents did to you as a child is what they thought was right. You both were innocent and did. not know what you were doing. It is how most parents or probably you too would react if you see 2 kids - especially siblings/cousins together doing this? Right? We would stop them and tell them it is completely banned to think this way. However, what you are missing here is that this happened because of your very young age! You need to unlearn and let go of that feeling and tell yourself that you are going to love your body and be comfortable with it. Sex is normal and having sexual feelings towards anyone is normal too. Now, coming to your question of how a girl would react when she sees your penis or when you have sex with her - well there is a lot more to sex than the physical aspect of it. You have sex with someone because you BOTH want it- you both consent to it. You have to ask her if she wants to go ahead and have sex with you. She will let you know her decision. If its a yes, you have her consent. If not, then she may feel what you have said - shameful, angry, shocked or worse still, mock at my shame-shame. But if she consents to it - she will not feel any of this! So ask her! Read more about consent here - https://lovematters.in/en/love-and-relationships/consent-all-about-being...

So yes, she wants you. She will not freak out. You need to be mentally ready that she wants it too - you both are in this together and it is absolutely normal and there is no need to freak out at all. It will take time. You both can get close to each other first, talk about your inhibitions if she is a friend - and then go about exploring each other's bodies.

Feel free to reach out to me if you have any other confusion!